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What is your ESE 2018 final rank, and how special does that day for you?
AIR-33, Mechanical Engineering My interview was on 24th September. After that, I packed up my things in Delhi, and was back at my home by 4th October. And then the wait started. Even though I knew that interviews would conclude on 26th October, I couldnât help checking the site everyday. And as 26th October came and went by, anxiety grew. Any day now that life altering pdf will be visible on the screen. UPSC had declared both ESE pre and Mains result at 5.30 pm. So I expected that the final result will be declared around that time. So everyday, at precisely 5.32 pm I would open that site. It had become almost a ritual with me. By my estimate, I had expected the result on 6th November. That day came and went. After that I lost all hope. No way are t going to disturb their precious holiday. The results will be declared in the next week after diwali. Still that ritual of checking the site at exactly 5.32 pm continued. 9th November,2018 On this day, I was out, with no network connectivity. I came home at 7.45 pm, raided the kitchen and sat down on the dining table to eat something. Took the phone in my hand and opened the UPSC site. In the what's new section there was nothing of interest. Then I scrolled down and tapped on the final results section. And then saw ESE Mains result link. My parents were sitting in the living room and I called out 'Aai results aale' ( Mom results have come in Marathi ) in barely a whisper. Then as if in a trance, I tapped on that link and the pdf loaded. At that time controlling myself I braved the search function and type my roll no. in it. And there it was highlighted in yellow, my roll no. in front of number 33. And then again in a whisper I said jhalo selected ( I got selected) to my parents. I don't remember much else of that moment. At this point of time my mother wrenched the phone out of my hand, opened the pdf and started reading the whole pdf. My dad made me open the pdf in his phone and he also started reading the pdf from the first line. And only after both of them had read the article top to bottom, t hugged and congratulated me. And meâŠ.. That moment when I saw the link in front of me and there is that moment of suspense, I felt as if time has stopped still. You wait for that particular moment from the moment you start preparing, and when that moment is there, you are in a trance. You do all the steps mechanically but the alarm bells have started ringing in your head. You feel as if the one directing your hands is an external agent detached from you and you are just an observer. And when you see that you have cleared the examâŠ I felt suddenly disoriented. I couldn't help pacing up and down the room. I must have paced the room for about an hour that evening. There is this weight which you have been carrying for the last 1.5 years. It had become part and parcel of you and in a way your crutch. If that crutch, is suddenly removed, the weight suddenly lifted, the object (in this case the mind) loses its equilibrium, and the mind floats in space unsupported. That's all I can say about this disorientation. And then you feel eternal bliss, content and the relief that you don't have to prepare for another year. And that day becomes one of the cherished memories in your life. There are some more posts in my blog ESE -A Perspective. Let me know if you find them useful.
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